Suddenly Single....What to Do....How to Help...

Today....

I'm going to follow up...sort of...on the last post, "Divorced and Remarried ....as a Preacher."

If you read last week's post, you know that I was divorced after being married for 30 years.

When the situation happened that brought that union to an end, I became SUDDENLY SINGLE.

Literally, in a split second, I became single.......Not legally, because that took some time, but emotionally, and in practice I became single....after 30 years of living life one way....in a split second EVERYTHING changed!

Most of you have been through a similar situation....

Something unexpected, unpredictable, unTHINKABLE  happened, and in a split second EVERYTHING changed!

That's LIFE...

Inherent in life are "suddenlies."   A "suddenly" is something that happens without prior warning.

Maybe it was something you HOPED would EVENTUALLY happen (good suddenlies)...

OR you KNEW THIS WAS A SLIGHT POSSIBILITY of happening (bad suddenlies), but you JUST WEREN'T EXPECTING IT RIGHT NOW....THIS MOMENT...

 Some are good....

• You get that promotion...suddenly your income increases
• The pregnancy test comes back positive....suddenly you're going to be a parent
• You win the Publisher's Clearinghouse sweepstakes...suddenly there's a camera crew at your front door....Just kidding.... :-)

But some suddenlies in life are not good.....you know.....

• When a spouse passes away...suddenly you're a widow/widower
• When the lay-off includes you...suddenly you're unemployed
• When the marriage ends....suddenly you're a divorcee

Anyone with any dose of reality knows that any of these things is possible at any time.  

No one  is guaranteed tomorrow.  

There's no such thing as a "secure job."    

But the marriage thing......you would think I would have had some prior knowledge...some warning...Nope....  Most divorces happen after years of disagreements, fighting, strife, etc....yea, well... that wasn't the case in my situation.

Don't get me wrong.  I believe in faith and prayer.  I believe God can give you favor and even when there are layoffs at your job, they don't have to affect you.  I believe by praying and following peace God will protect our very lives, and I believe that prayer and living the way the Bible says can save marriages....but that's not the point of this blog today.  

The purpose of today's blog is to share from my experience....not from clinical studies or psychological research----  

HOW TO GET THROUGH A PAINFUL SUDDENLY  and

HOW TO HELP A LOVED ONE WHO IS GOING THROUGH A PAINFUL SUDDENLY.....

If you are the one who is "Suddenly Single" or "Suddenly Unemployed"---

  

• I want to tell you today that you will make it.  You should say it to yourself, "I will get through this."

  

• Take it one step at a time...tiny steps forward.  It may begin with making your bed or putting on make-up (shaving for men!) 

  

• At some time you will need to cry. Go ahead.  Do it.   But don't let it last too long.  After you cry, wash your face, get up and make yourself smile...yes, you can do it...it's strictly muscle control...

  

• You may need to cry again....Go ahead....Follow the same procedure as above...

  

• Get to know Jesus.  Talk to Him a lot.  

• Find some music that inspires you and play it loud and often. (For me it was Superchick's "Rock What You've Got" album)

  

• Talk to yourself a lot...say things that you read in the Bible like, "God is faithful."  "I can do all things through Christ which stregthens me."  "I am not afraid for God is on my side."  " I will bless the Lord at all times, His praise will continually be in my mouth." "If God is for me, who can be against me?"

• Start being thankful for any little thing you can think of....ANYTHING...  "I'm thankful that I can still work.  I'm thankful that I have all my legs and arms and toes and fingers."  Seriously....

• When people offer to help, receive it.

• If people don't offer to help, ask them anyway...but you've got to know who to ask!

• There's a whole lot more I want to say to you....but that would take another post or two or three...or in a message I preach...or maybe a book....Too much for one blog for sure...BUT YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!!!

If you are a friend or family member of someone who is dealing with a Painful Suddenly---(these particularly apply to those who are "Suddenly Single" due to death or divorce)

• Someone needs to be with him/her.  Females with females; males with males...if the person is in a city without extended family or friends (like I was) get there and be with your loved one.  Don't worry about what you will do when you get there.  You will know.  

• A close family member or friend should call that person every day for several months.  If you can call at approximately the same time every day, that is optimum....  Just call.  Let the loved one talk about whatever...it may be about something that happened that day that had to be handled in regard to the crisis, it may be about work, family, whatever.  The call may be super short or long. Just call.

• Send money.  Don't worry about whether it will offend your loved one.  Crisis always create added financial problems which create.... more pressure and problems.   Don't ASK them if they need money...they DO...just send some if you can!

• Visit, call, take the person out to eat (men with men; women with women). Let that person open up as he/she is comfortable.

• Help the loved one clean out the closet, garage, go through paperwork, have a garage sale....when he/she is ready.

• If  the hurting person is more of an acquaintance than a friend, it's OK to let him/her know you're praying or to even send a card or money...but don't text them trying to pry information out of them...if they want you to know about the situation, they will tell you...

• Don't tell them you know how they feel.  Enough said.

• Pray for them.  Send them encouraging cards/letters/emails.

Finally...

A dear, dear friend who took me in as family shared the following scripture with me as I fought my way through the time of crisis.  It remains one of my "go to" Words of encouragement.  Know this and know it well:

Romans 15:13  May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I can preach on that for at least 45 minutes...or 10 pages...but that will have to be for another day.

Be filled with joy and peace as you trust in God today!  

I'll blog ya next week....in the meantime, do something today to fulfill your purpose!