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The blog you've been waiting for....well, at least someone is waiting for it....
One of my dear readers messaged me after last week's blog asking what the Amazing Mr. Brintnall wrote in his first email to me that got my attention.... Would you like to know?
Hmmmmmm...........Should I tell you? Really, this is pretty personal stuff......
I am sharing some pretty intimate things.....because I have rarely (if ever) heard anyone else talk about this......... I believe there is a lesson here....for singles, yes...but if you're married, please read on....this will encourage you and add some FIRE to your marriage....I promise!
First, I want to express my empathy (not sympathy, mind you) for singles who want to be married.........and have been waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting....ad infinitum.......I know what it feels like to hear married people, (who will get in bed with their spouse tonight) tell you what a "wonderful thing it is to be single....you can do whatever you want to do"...except put together furniture from IKEA.....because that ALWAYS takes two people! :-)
I understood that they were trying to encourage us single folk....and there were some things I LOVED about being single....
I ENJOYED eating nothing but salad every night for dinner....(men don't normally go for that-the Amazing Mr. Brintnall has made that clear!).....
I LOVED the fact that laundry was easy....the house stayed clean....AND there weren't hairs all over my bathroom.....
I NEVER had any disagreements about how I spent my money!!!!!
I wasn't DESPERATE to be married, but I knew (and my pastor had confirmed it) that I was not meant to be single for the rest of my life.....and since I am not in my 20s or 30s, that meant I would not be waiting 20 or 30 years.....
Don't get me wrong....Don't rush into a relationship....especially if you are looking for a person to "make you happy." I was happy and complete as an individual. I laughed. I had friends. I served God. I had a great job/ministry.........I just couldn't put IKEA furniture together......and that was such a bummer! :-)
Seriously, though.....It's ALWAYS better to wait AS LONG AS IT TAKES..... than to run into the wrong relationship! YIKES! Don't do THAT!!! Never get desperate and "settle for"!
But....some people are waiting at the airport for their ship to come in........uhhhh.... Ships don't come in at the airport.....
Others are professional "tire kickers" when it comes to relationships.......
They determine the possible future in a relationship by focusing on the tires, the rims, and the shiny chrome....if the tires are a little worn down and the chrome has lost its luster, they write "that one" off.......but there are only so many Denzel Washingtons and George Clooneys out there.....
If you haven't read last week's blog, you should....it is about following your heart without disconnecting your brain....and how I left the airport and went to the harbor where ships come in.....As a disclaimer, I want to say that everyone's ship won't come in at the same harbor....your harbor may be different than mine.....you need to listen to Holy Spirit, get wise counsel, and use wisdom (as mentioned in last week's blog!) Still, you've got to get to your harbor to meet your ship-it may be another city, state, volunteer association, etc........God will lead you!
(That will preach.....but I digress.....)
The harbor into which my ship sailed was an online Christian dating website. I had resisted going that route because it was so......so.......well, you know.....
What I learned about meeting someone online can help you regardless of where you meet, or what stage your relationship is in....even if you are already married!
Now about kicking those tires..... I've heard about "those lists" some single women have....the requirements to be "spouse material"......
1. Height between 6' and 6'4"
2. Muscular build
3. Must have hair.....but on head only.......back hair excludes one from contention
4. Teeth must be as white and straight as chiclets.....
5. Must make at least $100,000/year and drive a status-mobile, but not be overly devoted to work....
6. Wardrobe must be GQ worthy...designer shoes, suits, AND jeans only....
7. Must pray like the Apostle Paul, talk like their pastor, and walk on water...like Jesus! :-)
I honestly haven't spoken to too many single men about their lists.....but I am sure they have some similar items on their lists.....
Chalk it up to my age, experience, or plain old common sense, here's what was on my list...
1. Must be a serious Christian.
2. Must be filled with Holy Spirit.
3. Must be gainfully employed.
4. Must make more money than I.
5. Must be financially responsible.
There were unwritten things on my list....for example....I needed to find him interesting...duh...and we had to have complimentary political views...because.....I can get pretty fired up about those things....and.....yea...that could be messy.....
The vehicle of an online introduction allowed me to focus on those important things....I didn't know what kind of car he drove, or whether his clothes were from Neiman Marcus or the local farm supply store (it turned out to be the latter....)....and the hair thing.....well....never mind! :-) He met all my qualifications.......I learned about his character, his walk with the Lord, and what he really valued. I found out he had a good vocabulary, was an excellent writer....and he knew how to use a semi-colon properly! (I think the proper punctuation is what really won me over!)
We expressed ourselves more completely and honestly than we would have if we had met in the grocery store and gone to dinner several times.
I still have most of our correspondence....the Amazing Mr. Brintnall printed the emails he could recover and put them in a binder for me....as I read them today, my heart still goes "pitter-patter."
Married folk....if you want to FIRE UP your marriage, start WRITING TO ONE ANOTHER! Share your heart with your spouse in writing.... use email....or Facebook messaging .......texts......or old fashioned paper and pen.......write about your core values, how God is speaking to you, what first attracted you to your spouse, experiences that have taught you important lessons in life, your family background, your hopes and dreams for the future....and always include words of affirmation and love for your husband/wife.
Keep a journal of precious moments together....the day you got married, the birth of your children, the struggles and the victories you've shared, changes, adjustments, joys, sadness, celebrations, and the importance of being together through it all.....
Write them down....and read them often....
It will remind you of the precious love and relationship you have! It will make your heart go "pitter patter"! :-)
So....what was in that first email that got my attention? Nothing much, really....but I could tell he had a sense of humor, was intelligent, confident in who he was; he thought I was beautiful (from my photo), and he knew what was really important in life.
We lost that introductory email, but I still remember it...verbatim...(To understand this email, you should know that on my profile I wrote that I would consider someone a little younger than I because I was "younger than my birth certificate.")
"OK, so you're gorgeous, articulate, and focused on all the good stuff. What the heck are you doing on here? Oh, and by the way, I may be outside of the age range you're looking for, but you aren't the only one who is "younger than your birth certificate!" With all that out of the way, how ya doing today?"
And so it began.....as I mentioned last week...I followed my heart, but I didn't disconnect my brain.....It truly was love at first write.....
BE ENCOURAGED.....whether you are married or single....male or female....
God's got good things for you....let Him direct you to your harbor. Your ship will come in....whether your ship is a spouse or a business deal or a ministry opportunity! But you can't be waiting in the wrong place!
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
If you got something out of this blog, please share it! I would love to hear from you!
I'll blog you next week; until then....
Write something........and do something today to fulfill your purpose!
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