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Divorce and Remarriage as a Bible believing Christian...and as a preacher!
I really don't want to blog about this. It's too...personal...controversial...and downright explosive...but I sense it is the message for today...so, here goes...
Divorce is not an escape hatch for being married to someone who seems incompatible, difficult, or who doesn't share your life goals or meet your expectations!
Maybe the complaining spouse needs to adjust her/his attitude and let God work on the mate! Trust God. Pray. Learn to meet each other's needs. Serve one another. Husbands need respect. Wives need love. Get counseling. Change. Adapt. Adjust. Do it! Work it out! It is worth it!
I have never counseled anyone to get a divorce. I'm not saying there aren't situations where divorce is an acceptable course of action, but as a counselor, I understand that decisions of that gravity have to be made according to the Bible and between the individual and God.
Sometimes... stuff happens...Stuff that one of the spouses just can't control...people make choices that affect others. Sometimes there is physical or emotional abuse or abandonment. Sometimes there is unrepentant infidelity...
Most of my readers probably know a little bit of my story. After a 30 year marriage, I was divorced.
This is not the time to go through the details of that situation, but let me tell you why I am still in the ministry.
How I can still hold ministerial credentials and preach the Word of God as a divorced and remarried woman? Isn't that against the Bible?
There was a time when I thought it absolutely was...
I was raised a Roman Catholic. I was taught that if a person divorced, due to marital unfaithfulness or abuse (which were the only acceptable reasons) that person had to live celibate the rest of his/her life. Many Bible believing Christians think the same way.
This belief is based on Jesus' words in Matthew 5:31-32: It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to commit adultery, and anyone who marries a woman so divorced commits adultery.
Well, there you go...EXCEPT...
How do you reconcile Jesus' words with Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 7?
Paul covers many personal issues in 1 Corinthians 7, and it must be read in context to get a clear picture of what he is saying...
There's a whole lot of mess going on today due to taking one or two lines of the Bible out of context!
If you don't understand the context, you could say that Paul is promoting a celibate clergy...
It is good for a man not to marry...1 Corinthians 7:1
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs-how he can please the Lord...1 Corinthians 7:32
An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world...1 Corinthians 7:34
Taking another verse out of context would promote that singles should NEVER get married and that widows should not remarry!!!
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 1Corinthians 7:8
There's one small phrase that helps put the entire chapter of 1 Corinthians 7 in context:
1Corinthians 7:26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are.
"Because of the present crisis"...Paul is saying that due to the persecution that was going on at the time, he felt it was best for people to not make major changes in their lives.
1 Corinthians 7:15, 27-28 are pivotal verses regarding divorce and remarriage:
But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so...Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife, But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned.
Why did Paul make a separate point about a virgin choosing to marry? I believe it's because the first part of that sentence was dealing with believers who had been released from their marriage vows (and hence, NOT virgins) as described in verse 15. He says that those who remarry have not sinned.
Now, back to Jesus' words about divorce in Matthew 5:32...
I'm going to put this in bullet points to simplify...
- All scripture is to be interpreted by other scripture. If Jesus' words about divorce and remarriage are taken literally to apply to all Christians for all time, then He would be contradicting Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:12-15; 27-28.
- Everything Jesus said did not apply to all people at all times. He said at one time that when someone was healed, he was to go to the temple and offer a sacrifice. (Matthew 8:4). There was also a time he told his disciples to preach only to the Jews (Matthew 10:6), but later He told them to go to "Judea, Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth." (Acts 1:8)
- Everything Jesus said should not be taken literally. For example: He said that if your eye lusts, you should gouge it out. (Matthew 5:29) How many preachers teach that today? They don't because they know it wasn't meant to be taken literally!
The Pharisees asked Jesus about divorce in Matthew 19:3-12. Divorce must have been pretty prevalent at the time or they wouldn't have brought it up.
Jesus says, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." (Matthew 19:8-9)
Jesus' point here is that God's plan is for marriage to last a lifetime, but divorce was still permitted.
It is important to understand the background of what the Pharisees knew and practiced at the time.
The Law gave no right of divorce to the woman at all. The man, however, could divorce his wife for absolutely any reason whatsoever!
One of the documents I read said that the Rabbis had written, "A woman may be divorced with or without her will; but a man only with his will." In other words, the woman had no choice in the matter.
All a man had to do to divorce his wife was to give her something in writing that said basically, "I am divorcing you. You are now free to go marry someone else."
Here in Matthew 19, Jesus is addressing these men who thought they could divorce their wives for any reason...including...trivial stuff...she burned their matzo....she didn't please them sexually any more...he wanted her to have long hair and she got it cut...whatever!
Where did the Rabbis come up with this teaching that allowed a man to divorce his wife for any trivial thing? They misinterpreted Deuteronomy 24:1...If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her, and sends her from his house...
The Rabbis started teaching that ANYTHING a wife did that displeased her husband would be legal cause for divorce. You don't like the way she cooks? No problem...just write up a certificate of divorce and present it...no fuss, no muss!
Sort of the way most people look at divorce today, don't you think?
Jesus says, "No!" Divorce isn't meant to be a way to get a newer and better model....when Jesus says, the "one who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery," He was commenting on the Pharisees' interpretation of Deuteronomy 24:1.
He didn't say there weren't other legitimate reasons for divorce.
Marriage is a covenant, a holy contract. Covenants are sealed in blood, but they are similar to contracts in that there are two sides that come to an agreement... and each side is expected to keep their part!
Jesus took the whole of scripture into context. Yes, he was aware of Deuteronomy 24:1 and the Rabbis misinterpretation of it. He also knew Exodus 21:10-11.
Exodus 21:10-11 speaks of the responsibility of the husband in a marriage to provide, "food, clothing, and marital rights." This scripture says that even a slave wife (permitted at that time) has these rights in marriage. If these needs were not met, the spouse to whom they were owed had a right to seek a divorce and would have been allowed to remarry.
Remember the old fashioned wedding vows, "to love, honor, and to keep"? They came from Exodus 21:10-11!
Therefore, scriptural grounds for divorce are:
1. Adultery (Deuteronomy 24:1, Matthew 19:3-9)
2. Emotional or physical neglect (Exodus 21:10-11, 1 Corinthians 7:10-11)
3. Abandonment or abuse (1 Corinthians 7, Exodus 21:10-11)
Brother Hagin, in his book, "Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage" summed it up nicely. He said that in considering all of these laws, it was important to remember that for New Testament believers, "all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." Galatians 5:14 Abuse, abandonment, neglect, and infidelity are outside of the law of love, and that's the law we are required to live.
God hates divorce... (Malachi 2:16)...
Divorce is sin. It is missing the mark. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, but thanks be unto God...if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. The blood of Jesus has divorce covered!!!!!!
So, yes, I've missed the mark, but I am thankful for the blood of Jesus. I am thankful for a new heart and a new start... HALLELUJAH!
I am still serving God in the ministry. I have served him as a Pastor in a large ministry since the divorce, and am preparing to relaunch my itinerant ministry...I have a story to tell to the glory of God!
There's much more I want to share on this subject as well as the subject of dealing with divorce, being single, and remarrying...but this is enough for today...maybe it was already too much!!
I pray this blog has helped someone out there ...maybe a pastor who is trying to figure out if that wonderful, committed member who also happens to be divorced and remarried can serve in leadership... or someone who is trying to reconcile their desire to serve God despite a "failed" marriage...
Oh, and that's another thing...The Lord showed me that despite the fact that my 30 year marriage had ended sadly, it had not failed...because Malachi 2:15 says: Has not the Lord, made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring."
Praise God, I have been blessed with two amazing, godly offspring... but that's for another blog...
If this blog helped you in some way, I would love to hear from you. Comment below or send me a message on Facebook!
I'll blog ya next week...in the meantime, do something today to fulfill your purpose!
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